authenticity

2/28
simon took off for a stroll around lucky bay and explored the area. he'd invited me but i'm in need of alone time, as well as not trying to keep up with him for awhile. its wearing on me to always be lagging behind. anyway, i ws unable to prepare our breakfast because two brazilians had monopolized the cooking area, so i went down to the beach. it was a bit chilly but there were still a few enjoying nature's offering despite the cold air. and then i suppose the sign that i had too much alone time came as i considfered what if something happened to simon and i played that drama out in my head. as i sit here now i wonder "why do i have so many worries?" i try hard not to attach emotions and just be aware, however, it is very frustrating to me. i let thoughts of worry and anxiety keep me from enjoying the moment. anywho, i wanted to get out of my head for a bit, so went for a stroll down the white sandy beach and ended up crossing paths with simon. (of course he was fine)

later that day we got in the car and drove to the other side of the national park to Le Grand beach which has the only other camping nearby. those sites were more as i'd imagined (separate sites per party), but it was immediately apparent we'd chosen the better beach. it lacked the personality of the other beaches we've seen. and so just as i'd picked my spot in the sand simon informed me he wanted to check out another beach we hadnt explored yet called hellfire. this ws another "wow" place. simone and my idea of lounging at the beach is very different. his mantra for his holiday, and for going camping was to "get bored". as he likes to explore and always be moving, i am quite content (and prefer) to lie on one place for hours on end, getting up only to enjoy the crisp, clean ocean treasure. but, we are both satisfied doing our thing while the other indulges in his/her own desires. i'm really beginning to see the luxury of being single and on my own course. however, i believe i'm getting a taste of how a relationship works as well. i'm rather spoiled in that i've forgotten what compromise and flexibility sharing your life with someone can be (kids, too). i'm sure most of you are nodding your head and smirking "common sense" under your breath to me. again, the facade that the grass is greener comes to play. take a moment now, to appreciate your momen. live in the present. dont wish for more or different or past or future. now is a gift!

we ended the evening with our ritual of happy hour at the water's edge. because it was so windy we sat out on the rocks, protected by a little cove. when thoughts of homesickness arise (and they do), i'll think of special moments like these to keep me in the present. our happy hours are a perfect time to debrief our day, which usually consists of simon recapping his adventures, and i get a chance to talk aloud about my thoughts i journal. i get feedback from him, and get to thank him for helping me see all the things i'm learning about myself. i realize it may sound like i'm unhappy at times with him, but i recognize its all part of my growth. no matter what transpires at any moment, whether i'm biking, hiking, or just thrown off by his "demands", i'm always able to appreciate his friendship. i think any relationship that is authentic will always be appreciated. it doesnt always have to be positive, or challenging, or any label to it. genuine, authentic sharing and being who you are is a great way to build a rapport with another soul. and if you're lucky, you'll get that in return and both will be better people for it. its hard to be authentic sometimes. its easy when things go your way. trust in yourself. and then be yourself. and there's authenticity!