2/26 & 2/27

2/26
the drive to esperance seemed long and daunting. i suppose its because i've been so spoiled and time has basically stood still since i've been here. i've been totally on my own schedule. simon and i each had two stints driving just over an hour each. we cover more ground under his control as i still feel timid with the odometer reading 110. its only about 65mph but it just seems a faster speed than at home. simone had a camping spot already in mind, and that is one bonus to me taking a turn driving so he can navigate and plan out our destination. i wouldnt go so far as to label simon as "controlling" but he certainly can be particular about what he likes, thinks, etc. although, we have had an open, honest chat about the situation. it seems we've worked out a system that he cooks breakfast and i diner. although it turns out he's more directing while i'm DOING. i suggested that if he wants to delegate the duty to me, then hd whould let me handlel it. which is part of the "new katy" shining through. i'm usually more comfortable forgoing any "complaints" to avoid confrontation. but, its not confrontational to speak my truth. it will cease any bitter feelings. another thing i brought up was perhaps he could learn to give me warning about what he is thinking instead of laying tasks on me he wants done NOW. to me, in my solitude since i've ben here, and my overall independent lifestyle at home, i'm used to being on my own schedule, his requests seem like demands. i've mentioned before that he's a patient man, and it appears because of that quality in him i'm able to communicate openly. which some (probably most) of you know it isnt one of my skills. i've been accused of being an ostrich with my emotions. i dotn know where along the line of my life i learned it wasnt okay to have needs or feel emotions, but the past year has been vital in my growth. i have no right to get upset if i dotn make my needs known. for me, thats easier said than done. i feel its poignant to piont out that these are not new ideas or thoughts, but that the slowing down process has forced me to come up with answers/solutions to the lists i've been makign over the years of things i want to change about myself. this trip is a catalyst for actually doing the thins i'm aware of that can get me closer to the person i want to be. i realize it is a process, lifelong in fact, but i am taking charge and implementing what i know can help me get to my goal.

2/27
a lizard strutted through our campsite this afternoon. it was about two and a half feet long, and just sauntered through as it if owned the place. it certainly "belongs" there more than i do. we were snapping photos of it and it stopped as if to pose, and then continued on behind our tents were a roo and her joey had been napping during the day. the young kangaroo was frightened and stared it down, but the mum actually growled! add that to list of weird sounds! its the first and only aggression i've seen come from the animals. there is a famous photo of a kangaroo sunning itself on the beaches of esperance and i'm convinced its this very one! the postcard labels the scene as lucky bay at thats where our campground is. on our arrival day and everyone since, we have seen those roos hanging around. its like they are pets (probably because people feed them) and a great mascot of the area. they exemplify the calm and pristine surroundings of western australia.

this morning we decided to take the coastal trail to another beach called thistle cove. the trails was marked EASY and here's where i see a cultural difference. simon i'm sure hardly broke a sweat, but i wouldnt know because he was so far ahead of me! i'm in my flip-flops, bathing suit and shorts, carrying my towel in one hand and my journal/books/lotions in a plastic grocery bag in the other. the path starts out as wide and even-footed, and then takes a turn into the bush on top of rocky tundra. as i was getting scraped by branches and my flimsy bag was getting tears in it, i was cursing to myself that it was like hiking tumbledown mountain in sandles. i was very unprepared, both physically and mentally. this footwear is great at home, cushiony soles and easy on/off. already the overuse has worn down my footprint so there's barely much between the sole of my foot and whatever surface i happen to be walking on. and then, pebbles and who knows what pokes through the underneath and into my foot. add onto the lovely setting my terror of coming across a snake. there are plenty; some are "harmless" but some are deadly and i've seen photos of the gigantic size. simon points out i always have something i'm fixated on, and i suppose i cant argue. it seems to be one thing or another with me that i'm worried about! all the while i'm panting and trying hard not to berate myself for being out of shape i can feel my body tensing. i could have stopped and just broke down crying (but i was too scared), but eventually, the reward was worth it. you'll note the celebration of nature in the colors of the beach photographs. i literally had the beach to myself for several hours. simone realized he needed to do internet banking and scooted off to town. there were some visitors here and there, but for the most part, it was just katy. that beauty and down time allowed me much needed opportunity to ponder. which brought awareness opf my thoughts and emotions not only during that recent experience, but also the trauma i felt during peace corps. and to quote eckardt tolle again, "life will give ou whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your concsiousness. how do you know this is the experience you need? because this is the experience you are having at this moment." with that perspective i could easily give into the fact that i was frightened at those times in my life, thats its okay, and now its time to move on. it is so true that i have an overanalytical mind and too much time to think. however, i believe i'm actually getting somewhere with this down time to create awareness. and with that, i can practice self compassion.

in the evening, we had our second night of happy hour on the beach overlookin the southern ocean, of which i can add to the sea waters i've swam in. the facilities at this campground are wonderful, but we learned quickly that the campers kitchen is a popular spot, so we do our cooking on the gas burners and grill early, that way we can wash our dishes and be done when the crowds turn up. there are even hot water showers for free. the sites are not dilineated, so there's a first come first serve basis on the good spots in the general tent area.