start where you are

2/17 pm
the book club was more like a short story club, but it was great nonetheless. club members included simon's fellow teachers. Alan from the states, and Chono from the phillipines, although both of them dont seem to really have a home to claim. orginially from Kansas, alan has lived in turkey for an extensive time before moving to WA in the 80's. when i asked him how he landed here, he told a story of how he heard the government officials held beer-drinking contests and wanted to live in a society run by such liberals! and Chono reported she'll be living the country soon as she's getting ansty. Its fun to meet all these people who are living very different lifestyles from us back home. i'm happy to report it makes me appreciate my life much more. While teaching in tokyo, i suppose my identity crisis had me in limbo, trying to figure out which "generation" i belonged to: the travelling vagabond, or the homebody. After gorging on thai food and chatting about the short stories, simon and i headed to his friends Jacki and colin's for an evening of hanging out.

2/18
while wednesdays are Maine Day at the slopes and some of you tried to get out and test youru downhill skiing skills, i returned to cotteslo beach. and although i'm careful and put on gobs of sunscreen, i still manage to torch my skin a bit. i still say i'd take some discomfort on the skin for enriching the soul. and it certainly is that. i am loving my beach days. not much to report on my beach days, no shark sirens and nobody drowing like my day at the beach in japan. that was horrendous. i witnessed a man die that day. by the time i noticed what was happening, a bunch of japanese were dragging him out of the water. being cpr certified i felt it was my duty to assist, but not knowing the language and not seeing what happened (bump his head, heart attack) i stood by helplessly as i watched the color deplete from his skin. in the end, another person had attempted rescesitation (spelled that wrong), but when the amblulances arrived it was clear it was too late. anywho, i digress!

that evening was badmitton again. it was even more fun this time. there were more people, but i seemed to take charge of my own fun and was able to get out there on the court while others were timid. its a first come, first serve kind of thing, and although i was considerate to let others go first, perhaps they were more interested in the social aspect of it. simon pointed out what a social butterfly i am at these events and at the end of the evening i get goodbye hugs from several people, whereas he's been going for months and doesnt get that reaction. it certainly is easier to live in the moment when you've nothing to lose. all i have is each moment here. at home, i wouldnt be so lively. and besides, i can go 12-20 hours without speaking to anyone. most days its casual hello/goodbye to the other housemates. and what the heck, these gay men arent judging me or caring about my looks. so i can just be me. isnt that freeing? wouldnt life be nice if we could all carry on with that attitude? so, when "they" usually suggest if you're nervous about giving a speech, picture everyone in his/her underwear", then this is just another one of those motivational perspectives. PRETEND no one is judging you. and after all, if you arent judging others, why should they be judging you? much like the books i'm reading suggest compassion starts with yourself, you can start practicing like me. worry not about what others think. start where you are. forgive yourself and have compassion for numero uno. and then you'll notice your world around you changes.

ps. i should mention i get this from the book titled START WHERE YOU ARE written by pema chodron. a good friend lent it to me and its providing for some great reflection time. it fills the goal of "spiritual retreat" i had in mind for this trip. check it out!